Why me, Lord??

As some of you know the Lord has opened up a wonderful oppurtunity for me this month. This is something I've been praying for for years! It blows my mind because He opened up this oppurtunity right after a 6 week period of very little communication with Him and some really big struggles for me. It hit me though that might be exactly why He can send me right now. I feel like I'm a little more humble than where I was months ago. Right now I feel like I'm the last person the Lord should use. I feel like I have so much to work on but then I guess that means I can relate to more people. Instead of me thinking I have it all together right now I'm thinking I'm a huge mess up. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be. I need the Lord! I don't know what I was thinking for 6 weeks not going to Him, like I can go through a very tough time in my life without Him? Don't think so, Mary. What I really need to remember is it is all Him anyways. It doesn't matter exactly where I am because it's the Holy Spirit going anyways, right? Just got to rely on His power and not my own because I'm not strong enough on my own. Maybe that's what that 6 weeks was there to prove to me in the first place.

My Little Fire in the Fireplace

I did something yesterday that I think everyone should do at some point in there life! My mentor had encouraged me about a year ago to write down things in my past that had hurt me or past sin that been weighing me down. She said write down what happened, how it made me feel, and then give it over to the Lord. She then said to burn this book of all my past regrets and hurt to symbolize them being forgiven and everything now being in the Lord's hands and not my own. I didn't do exactly what my mentor said but every time I felt bogged down by my past I would write in a certain journal of mine. I have also been writing down what the Lord is teaching me during my time with Him in the same journal.
I finished this journal yesterday. I then realized I hadn't burnt the part of my journal that had all my past in it so I started a little fire in my fireplace. It is the most freeing and peaceful thing to watch your past mistakes and hurts burn in front of your eyes. I really did feel this awesome peace watching these pieces of paper disappearing in front of my eyes. These pieces of paper that I had cried over and poured my heart into, they're now gone with all of my past mistakes. Praise the Lord who forgives all sins and forgets it right then and there!! Praise Jesus that forgave me years ago for the things I watched burn to a crisp yesterday! It's amazing to know those things are behind me and my life is now filled with an amazing husband, son, and future baby that have all changed my life as I knew it!!